


Kiss Me

by TheNovelistHobbyist



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 10:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19060507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNovelistHobbyist/pseuds/TheNovelistHobbyist
Summary: Bella and Jacob`s kiss in Eclipse goes very differently. Bella realizes just how much she loves him before it`s too late.





	Kiss Me

                It was cold here, on the mountain. There was so much about the cold that I hated but today it seemed fitting. I was being selfish, keeping Edward from fighting and keeping Jacob with me for warmth. When he sighed in his sleep and I felt his hot breath on my neck I knew I knew I had done a terrible thing. This boy, this kind creature, was going to be in pain because of me. I was thankful that Edward couldn’t see into my head. He had no way of knowing that I was pretending to sleep, because the way that my heart was beating itself into my ribs was keeping me awake.

                When the sun came into the tent, I knew he had to go. He would fight, no matter what I asked of him. I choked back a sob as he strode out into the snow. Edward pressed a tender hand to my shoulder, “Bella, love, he has to go.”

                “I`m being unfair. I know.”

                “What makes you say that?” His voice was warm and soft in all the ways that his hands were not.

                “I want him to stay. I won`t ask him, but I want to.”

                “I`m sorry.”

                “It`s pointless. I`m hurting you, and him, and I don’t know how to make it stop.”

                He sighed. “Human hearts heal with time. When he finds out about the engagement he`ll be hurt, but he will move on. You don`t need to feel responsible.”

                I wanted to tell him how wrong that was. Maybe point out how little he understood about human hearts- how impossible it had been for me to move on when he left. I swallowed it all when I heard a cry of anguish echo outside the tent. Jacob.

                Without thinking I fled into the snow and found him standing there. There were tears in his eyes. “Jake, please let me explain.”

                “What else is there to say? You`re going to die, turn into one of them.”

                Edward moved to stand at my shoulder. It was meant to be sweet, to make me feel safe, but I was suffocating. “Can I have a minute please? I need to talk to Jacob.”

                He nodded and was gone.

                “He`ll stay close enough to hear us.”

                “Maybe.” I didn’t want to admit that he was probably right. “Does it matter?”

                “What do you want from me?”

                I stepped closer, extending my hand to him. “I`m so sorry.”

                He didn’t move. “Don`t do this.”

                “The decision is made. I`m going to marry him and he`s going to turn me.”

                “What is it that you want from him? Is it the money or the immortality?”

                “Stop it. It`s him.”

                “Really?” His eyes were full of anger and sadness, “Your perfect match doesn’t even know that you hate weddings? Or that you don’t want to get married at all until you`re thirty?”

                “He`s just old fashioned.”

                “But you`re not. Bella, you`re young. You`re so full of life. If you change your mind, if you don’t do this, you`ll have years to decide. You can have children, or elope, or both, or neither. You could have choices.”

                “I will have choices.”

                He shook his head. “To never be able to pet a dog again, or really enjoy the sun again, to lose your mom and Charlie, and me? Are those things you want to choose?”

                “Stop it.”

                “You know that I`m right. I can see it in your eyes.”

                He stepped closer to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “Knock it off.”

                “What then? What did you want to tell me?”

                “I don’t want to lose you.” I meant it. It burned through me in a way that I couldn’t understand, like in this moment it was the only thing that mattered.

                “Then don’t leave me.”

                “What can I do?”

                He brushed my hair back from my face. “You love me. Let me prove it.”

                “What difference would it make?”

                “You think you need to do this because you love him, but you don’t. Even if you only wait until you`re sure. Go to college, cut your hair, get a tattoo. Go crazy. If you still love him, then fine. I think Bella, that once you explore the world a little you`re going to change. If you do this now you will never get that chance.”

                “What if I don’t want to change?”

                “When he left,” He stroked my cheek when I flinched, “you learned to ride a motorcycle, and you went cliff diving. You love change, you love to explore. Admit it.”

                I looked away. He was right, in a way. I had loved the feeling of the wind in my hair, and the danger, and the uncertainty.

                “Can I ask you something?”

                “Yes.”

                “Forget about the last time I kissed you, which really I am sorry about. If the phone hadn’t rung when we were in the kitchen that day, would you have kissed me?”

                “Yes.” The answer came so quickly it startled me. I had always wondered before; I didn’t realize that I already knew.

                “I thought so.”

                “It doesn’t matter Jacob.”

                Except that it did. Somehow, I had hidden from myself, all this time, that I had wanted him. I hadn’t stayed away from him because I missed Edward. It was because I was afraid that he would leave me too. I felt angry, and ashamed.

                “We could have a life together. A real one. If you had kissed me that day, we might be starting it by now.” He waited for me to interject, and when I didn’t, he went on. “I would take you on dates and learn how to make your favorite muffins. Every time I kissed you you would know that you were safe, that I didn’t have to hold back. I would never hurt you- not the way that he could. I wouldn’t ask you to change anything. We could see Charlie and Billy, take care of them when they get old. We could have children together, and grandchildren. It would be so easy.”

                I closed my eyes, trying to keep tears out of my eyes as I imagined it. I didn’t know that I wanted a family. Not even when Rosalie had urged me to stay human so that I could be a mother and grow old with my partner. It had seemed like a small price to pay, but now I felt like the ground was going to swallow me up.

                He sighed. “I`m sorry.”

                “What?”

                “I upset you. I didn’t mean to. I just had to try one last time; in case something happens.”

                The panic in my chest grew. “You`re going to be fine.” He had to be. I couldn’t, wouldn’t, live in a world where he didn’t exist.

                “I hope so Bells, but I am quite literally going to fight twenty newborn vampires.”

                I felt my hands clutching his arms before I knew what was happening.

                “It`s alright. It`s going to be alright. I`ll see you soon.” He pressed an affectionate kiss to my forehead and turned to walk out of the clearing.

                It was like someone had ripped a hole in my chest. I watched him start to walk and the images of the life he had described overtook me. I thought about a tiny apartment in Seattle, decorated with whatever furniture we were able to find at the local antique shop. An engagement ring that felt like it fit my hand, something simple and elegant. Of a tiny wedding at the local church, and my dad walking me down the aisle. Three dark haired children swarming around Jacob`s legs. A gray-haired man at my side, his smile marked by deep laugh lines. It wasn’t the future that belonged to me, but in that instant I needed to know if it _could_ somehow be mine.

                “Jacob! Jacob, wait!” He spun to face me.

                We stood in silence for a moment, watching each other, while I gathered my courage.

                “Jacob, kiss me.”

                Before I could say anything else, he had closed the distance between us. He cradled my body close to his and gave me a firm kiss. His lips were warm and soft, and I didn’t realize how much that changed the way a kiss felt. I felt a flush rising in my cheeks and my heart beginning to race.

                When he pulled away he stared into my eyes. “What does this mean?”

                “I love you.”

                He kissed me again, harder this time. As I felt him move against me I was certain of what I wanted, in a way that I hadn’t been before- not even with Edward. I wasn’t afraid of age or of death. I just _was_.

                I cupped his face in my hands when he finally stepped away. “Come back to me.”

                “I will.” He turned his head to kiss my palm, and then he was gone.

                I stood there for a moment, with my arms wrapped around myself, trying not to think about the consequences. I only wanted this one moment to be blissfully happy. Before Edward confronted me, or Alice realized my future had disappeared from her sight.

                “Bella?” My moment was shattered. He was behind me, his crystal-like voice ringing with anguish.

                I turned to face him, willing myself to be brave. “You heard?”

                “Every word.”

                “I love you too.”

                “I know.” He smiled sadly, “I don’t expect it to be enough.”

                “I am sorry.”

                “Don`t be. I have wanted this for you as long as I`ve known you. I am a selfish man, I wanted to keep you all to myself for eternity, but I also love you. The idea of you getting to live a fulfilling human life is wonderful.”

                “You aren’t angry?”

                “Never.”

                “Thank you.”

                He stepped over to me, cupping my face in one hand. “I`ll stay with you until it`s over. You`ll be safe after that. Thank you, Isabella Swan, for giving me the joy and honor of having loved you for these past two years. I will never forget.”

                I knew that he meant it, and it brought me pain. It was, I hoped, to be one of the most bittersweet moments of my short but beautiful life.


End file.
